Love---The Second Time Around.

They say, love is sweeter the second time around. But what if you never got to have a second time with that person? Would you be brave enough to start another love with another person?

I think, the second time that you will fall in love with someone; it’s going to feel different. Well of course, because when you had your heart broken on your first, you learn things.

The first time was a series of firsts indeed. It felt almost like a dream. You never experienced how it feels like to be engulfed by love and so you accepted love with open arms, embraced the exhilarating feeling of being drowned by your emotions for the first time.

But unfortunately, things don’t go well and you find yourself alone when it fell apart. You change your view on things. When it fell apart and you were left with a broken heart, your perspective changes. You realize that not all sweet beginnings could have their happy endings, that people could be so cruel and break your heart; that not all promises can be fulfilled; that sometimes, words uttered during your early days as a couple could eventually stop meaning anything as feelings start to fade. And that, after a seemingly happily-ever-after story, your world is turned upside down; and so you shut your feelings down.

But no matter how much effort you put into shutting down your feelings, things go unplanned, and there’s this someone willing to exert their very best effort to take down your walls to start creating their love story with you. So after sometime, when you find yourself go into it again, the cycle of love that is, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. And so you remind yourself, “I’ll take another chance on this, but in which case, I would like some advance warning.”

The second time around, or maybe even your third or fourth one, it’s natural that you tend to compare it with your first love. At some point during the beginning of another love, you find yourself comparing teeny-tiny details like, “He/She never gave a comment about my eating habits, why does this one care so much?” or “His/Her eyes are the same as my ex’s eyes.”; the list could go on a long way, and you feel like you need a map to show how to go on with your feelings. That’s okay; you’re starting a new love with someone new and unfamiliar to you— so it’s just normal that you are skeptical and wary. You just have to ask your new love for directions, plus the learning you’ve had from your previous ones, you’ll be okay with that.

The second time around, you feel as if you don’t know where to start and how you’ll go with your feelings. You find yourself asking, “How do you I do this again?”  It’s going to be scary at first, but you’ll realize, falling in love is just like riding a bike and getting bruised for the first time, you never really forget.

And let me tell you, the second time is not the first time, so no matter how stuck you may have been on your first, you have to let go of those feelings so that you can experience another; because you can never really fall in love for the second, third or fourth time with another person if you’re still stuck on your feelings with your first.  The first time will always have that special place in your heart; it’s a magical gift of life that you can never reclaim, but the best part of that first love is that you learned.

No love story is the same as the first, second or third one. Because love is like taking a leap of faith; a gamble with the unknown, and you can never know what will happen with any relationship you currently have at the moment. But I guess, anything can last as long as both of you will exert your very best efforts to make it work. Feelings don’t fade. You may say that you don’t love him/her anymore, but deep inside you, you know for a fact that the feelings will always be there, and that you will always care.

(Photo's not mine. Credits to the owner.)

Why make her feel special at some point in time and then leave her hanging just because you can’t stand up and act on your emotions? In the first place, if you didn’t feel ANYTHING, as in ANYTHING at all, you wouldn’t have bothered to make her feel special.

What can you call yourself if you can’t even defend someone who used to be close to you?

Would you rather lose your friendship for superficial flings and a meremixup of your feelings?

Well, think again.

You hafta sort ‘em out first. Because a broken friendship is difficult to fix than knowing what you exactly feel and acting out on these emotions. 

Dear Future Boyfriend,
I know my voice is not that great. But hey, I could sing you to sleep. I’d gladly volunteer anytime. Because for you, the try is very much worth it. :>

Sincerely,
Me

Oh, those little things.

When you start to like someone, even if you deny it, your overall perspective of them gradually changes. You try to pick out the things that you like about them and the pay attention good qualities that they have instead of the bad, and you have this tendency to  overlook their flaws and shortcomings. Right?

You start to notice even the littlest things (the simplest details of their clothes doesn’t go unnoticed, the way they smile, the way they flip their hair, the way they fidget on their seats, their mannerisms, or even the way they call your name start to become a constant sound in your ears). Those little conversations or the petty fights start to take part in your daily activities, that you find yourself enjoying those moments. 

You find yourself having a re-run of the moments you have together, wanting more of those moments. And sometimes, you even start wanting to include them in your plans about the future. 

Just by hearing their names makes your heart beat a little faster than it normally does, and make you feel like there are butterflies in your stomach. 

No matter what opinion that others may have on them, and no matter what imperfections they have, you accept them as they are, knowing that nobody is perfect and that these little things are part of the overall reason why you start liking them in the first place. That these little things add up to their total personality and for the time being, they will be the best out of everybody.

It’s like, the more you like them, the better looking they get. :)

It’s not always the mind that DOES decide, right? Sometimes, some things are really not meant to happen. Some people are really not destined to remain by your side for as long as you want them to. People forget. Things change. Feelings change. Memories fade. 

You just have to wait and see what tomorrow has in store for you. 

Don’t forget this : "The more time you spend with the wrong people actually means that you get lesser time away from the right ones." Remember. No matter how unfair this world is, there are still people who will end up sticking with you no matter what.

So, choosing now on who you’ll keep and who you’ll let go is never too late. Who knows? What you experience now might just be a rehearsal for a subsequent event in the future…

Not exactly the biggest lie I’ve ever told but one I consider to have caused a change in my life. It all goes down on me denying my feelings back then for a certain person.  I should’ve fought for my feelings back then.  I should’ve told that person what I really felt, and not hold back because of the feint possibility of hurting someone—-but in the end, I was the one who got hurt during the process. 

I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve believed you when you told me you actually care—instead of doubting that I have always been your second choice.

Don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Why waste time for someone who isn’t even sure of their feelings for you?If they really wanted to, they would’ve tried to show it to you, instead of letting you wait—without even any hint of assurance. They should have been brave enough and told you what they actually feel. If they really wanted to, they could have turned those emotions into actual decisions.

They should’ve done something.

But the fact that they can’t actually come up with a decision, and you waiting for them over and over again is probably enough of a reminder to let you know that you can’t just live your whole life waiting for that someone.

It’s tiring.

Sooner or later, you’ll gonna realize that you are just hurting yourself in the process of waiting.

Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t know what he/she wants. With billions of people roaming around this world, it’s not impossible to find someone out there who knows what they actually want—- that someone, brave enough to act on their emotions and turn them into actual decisions. 

Before and After. (And the words left unspoken.)

Letters addressed to you that I can't start writing. Conversations left unspoken. Words hanging by the moment. A misunderstanding that is starting to form a loophole in our friendship. These are the things that come to my mind these past weeks. :( Things I should get done. Things I should do, to correct, to learn..

I don't want to make excuses nor cover up my own mistakes--I know I've been quite busy lately, but hey, even if we do hang out on our free time, we don't anymore talk like before, when we could almost talk about anything, everything. Even if we hang out--eat, and talk?--it only revolves around superficial things, ignoring what is the real issue, why we're starting to grow apart, what's worse--I can't do anything about it. :/

We want to talk to you. Seriously. To talk things over, why we (not only about you and me, but to our group as well) are starting to grow further apart.. I know this may sound a little emo-ish but I'd rather say these things than lose someone close to me because of ignoring things and not talking about it. (You are important to us and you know that. I hope we can really talk things over. Soon.)

Things change. People change. You changed. :/ We used to talk for hours and now I'm lucky to talk to you for a few minutes a day. What's worse, sometimes, those minutes are merely seconds, with only a few words spoken.  You used to want to be with me but now it seems like we're miles apart, even if it's just a few chairs between us. What happened? :( Is it our busy schedules? Or is it merely the fact that we're starting to grow apart?

I'll break the silence. Soon. (Please just give me the courage to do so. :x)

Definitely, I'll do something. I won't let our long friendship turn into the BEFORE and AFTER. :/

BY CHANCE. :)

Hmm, I was going through some random videos this past week and I came across this. :) I'd like to share this quote told by the lead girl in the short film:

"Feelings and emotions change. It doesn’t mean that if you don’t feel something for each other anymore, the love is gone. If love were only feelings, then there’s no such thing as lasting.

 Love can sometimes turn numb or even be boring.

You just have to be patient. Cause love itself is life.

Not all the time you are in for all its happiness.

Sometimes you also have to give in to its bitterness,

but no matter what, as long as you choose and decide to continue,

  it will be more beautiful.  :)"

A Silent Plea.

SECOND CHANCES. SECOND CHANCES. okay. screw the word
SECOND.
Afterall,  all I've got to hold on to are just chances, mere chances that out of the 100% you'll get to notice someone, all I've is 1%, still I've hold on to it. But then, I realized, stupid me, how could I have expected too much from someone else? A fantasy that didn't even had the chance to start.
What a pity.
I was there all along. If only you took a glance behind you, you could've noticed I was there, I was always there. But it was she who was always on your mind. The girl you like. The girl you said you love.

The girl who could set your spirits high with just a single smile.
The girl who could always brighten up your day in a flash-- but also the same girl who COULD NOT appreciate anything you do. The girl who'd always step on your heart; at one moment pick it up to play with it, then throws it away again after satisfying herself.

Aren't you ever tired? It seems to me like its a cycle--you always end up hurting.
Comforting you has always been a habit of mine; staring at your face was a routine; lending you a shoulder to cry on was my only chance of showing I care-- BUT YOU DON'T SEEM TO NOTICE. :(

Afterall, what can I expect? It was she who was alway ruunning onn your thoughts.
The 1% that I've got, I've used almost .9% of it, the .1% left is slowly fading,,, but still,,, I waited...

Waited and waited and waited...--To no avail. :/

Its as if I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, holding on  to nothing, but I'm not falling into the dark unknown; something's holding me back. I can't move forward, but I can't back out either.
But I'm getting tired.. A little more and I'll give up. Sure  I will.

I'll try not to care. Not to notice. Not to look. Not to react.
HELP ME. PLEASE. :/

Lovepostscript.:)

Somehow, somewhere, in this crazy world, you'll find something or someone with whom you'll always share something special with. It could be a friend, a confidante, an ex-lover, a lover, a bestfriend, a long-time friend or even someone you consider as the one that got away.  Say, once you'vee met them, will always have, and will always occupy a small place in your heart and in your life. Maybe because they made a change in your life; made you feel special and in a unique in a way that no one ever did before' or maybe they made you a far more better person than you once were, molded you into what you are now.

There's no telling on HOW, WHEN, or WHERE you'll meet that person, but DEFINITELY, you will meet him/her.  Maybe inside the bus, in a library, on a convenience store, at school, in thee street, at the mall, surely YOU WOULD. :)

And one thing is for sure, like an indelible ink on a shirt, or like the saying, "The wind that passed a certain place will never pass the same route and trail ever again," you will realize that once you knew and met that someone, your life will never be the same again. :)