Tiny Hand With Red Heart

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Empty Jar.

An empty jar. Because it's like I'll be starting from scratch again for this blog. And so what I posted lately were my write-ups, thoughts that often go unnoticed, letters, musings, and everything I have written so far whenever my mind wanders for the past 2 and 1/2 years. Pardon if most are written way back from 2011. Most of these are from my primary blog, some are from the posts I submitted for our school paper, and some, are even written out of the spur of the moment feelings..Maybe I'll just transfer some of my writings from my primary blog, because I'm more active there.. 

So if you get curious enough as to what I'm up to, you can always visit my primary blog. :)

And so I’m making this secondary blog for what? Uhm, take it as something like, this one’s a personal out of a personal blog. I don’t really need dozens of readers, even a few, but who’d really read and may appreciate what I’ve got to say will actually do. (If you want to know more about me, just feel free to ask for my primary blog ‘cause I’m more active there)

'Tis me.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Love---The Second Time Around.

They say, love is sweeter the second time around. But what if you never got to have a second time with that person? Would you be brave enough to start another love with another person?

I think, the second time that you will fall in love with someone; it’s going to feel different. Well of course, because when you had your heart broken on your first, you learn things.

The first time was a series of firsts indeed. It felt almost like a dream. You never experienced how it feels like to be engulfed by love and so you accepted love with open arms, embraced the exhilarating feeling of being drowned by your emotions for the first time.

But unfortunately, things don’t go well and you find yourself alone when it fell apart. You change your view on things. When it fell apart and you were left with a broken heart, your perspective changes. You realize that not all sweet beginnings could have their happy endings, that people could be so cruel and break your heart; that not all promises can be fulfilled; that sometimes, words uttered during your early days as a couple could eventually stop meaning anything as feelings start to fade. And that, after a seemingly happily-ever-after story, your world is turned upside down; and so you shut your feelings down.

But no matter how much effort you put into shutting down your feelings, things go unplanned, and there’s this someone willing to exert their very best effort to take down your walls to start creating their love story with you. So after sometime, when you find yourself go into it again, the cycle of love that is, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. And so you remind yourself, “I’ll take another chance on this, but in which case, I would like some advance warning.”

The second time around, or maybe even your third or fourth one, it’s natural that you tend to compare it with your first love. At some point during the beginning of another love, you find yourself comparing teeny-tiny details like, “He/She never gave a comment about my eating habits, why does this one care so much?” or “His/Her eyes are the same as my ex’s eyes.”; the list could go on a long way, and you feel like you need a map to show how to go on with your feelings. That’s okay; you’re starting a new love with someone new and unfamiliar to you— so it’s just normal that you are skeptical and wary. You just have to ask your new love for directions, plus the learning you’ve had from your previous ones, you’ll be okay with that.

The second time around, you feel as if you don’t know where to start and how you’ll go with your feelings. You find yourself asking, “How do you I do this again?”  It’s going to be scary at first, but you’ll realize, falling in love is just like riding a bike and getting bruised for the first time, you never really forget.

And let me tell you, the second time is not the first time, so no matter how stuck you may have been on your first, you have to let go of those feelings so that you can experience another; because you can never really fall in love for the second, third or fourth time with another person if you’re still stuck on your feelings with your first.  The first time will always have that special place in your heart; it’s a magical gift of life that you can never reclaim, but the best part of that first love is that you learned.

No love story is the same as the first, second or third one. Because love is like taking a leap of faith; a gamble with the unknown, and you can never know what will happen with any relationship you currently have at the moment. But I guess, anything can last as long as both of you will exert your very best efforts to make it work. Feelings don’t fade. You may say that you don’t love him/her anymore, but deep inside you, you know for a fact that the feelings will always be there, and that you will always care.

(Photo's not mine. Credits to the owner.)

Monday, July 8, 2013

Oh, not a dream anymore. ッ (June 2013 NLE)

Last July 8 marked a special day for 16,219 out of 37,887 takers who took the Nurses Licensure Examination. 

And for all the blessings that I've received and I am continuously receiving, I'd like to share these appreciation post..
This list could go a loooong way… :)

  • First of all, I’d like to say my Congratulations to each and every one of us. This day, which marks another milestone in my life, is not entirely my day, but also for my parents, my family, my friends, my professors, my mentors and everyone who have exerted an effort to help me reach this stage and I’d like to take this opportunity to thank and mention most, if not all, of you.. I know my words will never be enough to show how much I am thankful and grateful for all your prayers, efforts, encouragement, words of wisdom and the mere fact that you are with me throughout the journey is enough to keep me going every day. 

Thank you po papa God for granting me this achievement.  All those years of hardship paid of, and I will never be where I am right now if not because of your guidance and Strength.
Indeed, the making of a nurse does not start 3-4 months before the board exam. It starts from your realization that you want to enter the realm of nursing. It then continues the moment you set foot on your chosen university until the moment your professor starts with their first lesson. It continues until your very last one year in college up to the time you start writing on your answer sheet for the board exam. The making of a nurse is not an overnight process nor is it a piece of cake. It is a tiring journey and you constantly have to motivate yourself to keep going forward. It only takes a matter of balance and time management on what you are doing. Being a nurse is never easy. But throughout the journey, even with the hardships (the sleepless nights, stressful duties and the like), you get the prize of fulfillment that if you study hard and become a successful nurse someday, you can surely make a difference in someone’s life.. 
  • To my alma mater BUCN, to BUCN Batch 2013 and to my iMind Family, we may have not spent our summer this year in a beach, or in any other summer destination that you can name of, but I can definitely say that this is one of the best summer in my life so far.  We may have started as strangers, but we have ended as friends who have shared memories despite the short time that we’ve been together. 
  • To all my professors and mentors at BUCN, thank you po for believing in us and encouraging us along the way.  

  • Thank you po Imind Review for treating us as family, before, during and after our almost 3-month review, I’ll always be proud to be an iPusher no matter where I go.  

And to everyone, your names may not be mentioned here, but you know who you are, I sincerely thank you for making a difference in my life. 

Everything still feels surreal. This all started as a dream, but now, it’s a reality. I am really thankful for everyone who has, in one way or another, contributed to my being for the past 4 years. It may have been rough, but thanks to your constant presence, the journey was all worth it. ☺ My thank you’s will never be enough to show how much I appreciate your presence in my life. This is not yet the end, but it’s just a beginning of a thousand more steps to continue striving and reaching my ultimate goal in life. As one of my closest friend told me—-the world has alot of beautiful thing to offer, being a RN is a big thing but there’s a lot more that will come sooner. “You just have to make the most of your potentials and go beyond your self imposed boundaries, because it’s not trespassing when you cross your own limit.” ッ

-Zsusa Alexandria S. Lorena, RN  ッ

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Enroute Manila.

At some point in our lives, we have to leave in order to grow. And that’s one part I hate about growing up. I know it can’t be helped, but still. :( It’s been almost a month since our board exam, and I know, I have to have plans already. I can’t just sit here at home and wait for something to happen because NOTHING will ever happen. I have to start looking for a job. Srsly.

No one’s pressuring me about these stuff, but still, I have to know what I want to do, where I wanna be.

But how do you start a new chapter in your life when you know you’ll be leaving your comfort zone and the people you've been living most of your life with? If only I could be in two places at a time. But that’s next to impossible. I guess I have to act as an adult that I am and start wanting for more.

What do I want? Where do I want to be? These thoughts keep on running on my mind. I want to try a lot of things. But I don’t exactly know where to start. >_<  Right now, I’m practically clueless.

I’ll be leaving again anytime soon to who-knows-where and I don’t know what fate awaits me there. I know that I have to have faith and be strong.  Because starting a new chapter in my life may be difficult, but it’s what I have to do. Goodbyes are next to I’ll-see-you-soon in who-knows-when, but it’s something we all go through at some point in our lives. It’s difficult, but it can’t be helped. Who loves goodbyes anyway? :(

26 June - 02 July 2013.
This week had been like a roller-coaster ride for me. Me and my friend were just trying our luck sending our resumes to various companies via jobstreet on the night of the 25th, and *poof* the next day, we were told that there's going to be an interview on the 28th! And so, without second thoughts, we decided to try our luck. We left on the afternoon of the 26th. And that was just the start of a week that actually changed my perspective.

28 June 2013.
My first ever job interview. Gaaahd. I would've given anything just to have someone accompany me that time. I thought my friend's interview would also be in Ortigas but luh, it turned out that hers was in Makati. :( Imagine my nervousness as I was on the way that morning. I was alone for freaking out loud and I don't know what will happen next. as To cut the story short, I passed the initial interview and so I was referred to a series of tests to be conducted July 1st. To reward myself after a hard day's work, I went to MOA with friends. :)

29 June 2013.
This  day wasn't filled with so much activities since I was stuck at home due to the storm signal #1. But still, I was able to go to SM Sucat to meet my one of my bestfriends, Erika.
30 June 2013.
This day was quite a heavy one for me, cause I ain't fond of saying goodbyes. :/ 'Tis the day my new friend Goretti flies back to the US. I know we may have just started to know each other but it doesn't exempt the fact that I'll say my goodbye to her and see her in who-knows-when again. I started to get worried because I thought their flight was going to be cancelled due to the heavy rains that started last night, but thankfully, the weather improved when we reached the airport. 
With Goretti at the Heritage Hotel

 01-02 July 2013.
Monday was the day of the continuation of the exams. After that, I qualified and so I was told to have my medical that same day so that I can start work on Wednesday that same week! -_- Everything had been so fast but I can somehow feel that small hesitation in my heart. Things went fine on the exam, the doctor just told me to consult my doctor as I get home to get a medical clearance.  I have been quite excited because, hey, it should've been my first job ever! I decided to come home as soon as possible to get my paper requirements so I can start on the same week. 

Homebound with Erika and Kuya Kevin.

I thought everything turn the way I thought they would be but it didn't. :( The paperworks were no problem, but when I checked in on my doctor, she didn't allow me to start work anytime soon and told me to wait for a few months. :/   And really, I have been disappointed that time, all my bags are packed and I'm ready to go, but the circumstance wouldn't allow me and so I have no other choice but to stay. Gaaaah. But there's no use in staying glum and disappointed  for a long time. I just think that maybe, it's just not the right time for me. 

Everything happens for a reason anyway.